Sunday, July 27, 2008
Software Girl's Wedding
Sandhya: Hey! what is the matter you have called up all of a sudden?
Shilpa: Do u remember that my parents gave my horoscope, to search for a suitable match, to many people? So many horoscopes of the groom has come.. in that 4-5 seems to match.. I don't know which one to select, I am confused because of it.
Sandhya: What is the confusion about?
Shilpa: Horoscopes of many software engineers have come. It seems now a days, the software guys are wanting to marry girls in the other field. That's I why I don't know whom I must select among this. You are a software engineer na pls give me some suggestion .
Sandhya: Not a problem at all. So tell me the position that each one holds.
Shilpa: First is a manager.
Sandhya: Manager?? Then he will showcast himself that he is busy always. But he will not do anything properly. He will get u 1 kg of rice and ask you to prepare for the whole area say a village. He will get you mutton and ask you to prepare chicken 65. Even if you protest telling you can't make it, he'll not accept. He will tell you to work hard day and night to prepare it. He will also tell he'll provide you with the night cab. Even if you ask how can I prepare chicken 65 out of it by sitting day and night he will not accept.
Shilpa: Ohh..so dangerous he is!! Then I must escape. Next is a test engineer.
Sandhya: He is more dangerous than the other person. Whatever you do he will correctly tell only the fault in it. Even if you try to surprise him with 10 variety of food, he will tell the item which does not have salt in it. If you ask him "will you not at least tell that it is good", he will reply back saying it is your duty to make it good so why must I tell that. He is sooo good ... Shilpa: Then a NO to him also. Next is the performance test engineer.
Sandhya: He is another specimen.. even if everything is good, he will ask why did it take this much time. If you take 10 minutes to make a coffee, he will question you asking why you have taken 10 min for a coffee which can be done within 5 min. Even if you say that he is talking about the instant coffee while you have made the filter coffee, he will not accept. The same will be with all the work you do. You must not think about this person if you want to do make up in your life !!!
Shilpa: Then! you mean to say that we should not marry software guys??
Sandhya: Who said like that?? In software there is one more group. They are called the developers group. How much ever you hit them they will bear.
Shilpa: Then tell about them.
Sandhya: You don't have to do anything. They will do everything themselves. If we sit back and just boost them it is enough. But the problem with them is- they will say "I know it" whatever you ask them. Even that is ok. They will bear how much ever you hit them but the condition is you must keep saying "you are too good" after hitting them every time.
Shilpa: This is superb. Then we must search for this kind of a groom....
Shilpa: Do u remember that my parents gave my horoscope, to search for a suitable match, to many people? So many horoscopes of the groom has come.. in that 4-5 seems to match.. I don't know which one to select, I am confused because of it.
Sandhya: What is the confusion about?
Shilpa: Horoscopes of many software engineers have come. It seems now a days, the software guys are wanting to marry girls in the other field. That's I why I don't know whom I must select among this. You are a software engineer na pls give me some suggestion .
Sandhya: Not a problem at all. So tell me the position that each one holds.
Shilpa: First is a manager.
Sandhya: Manager?? Then he will showcast himself that he is busy always. But he will not do anything properly. He will get u 1 kg of rice and ask you to prepare for the whole area say a village. He will get you mutton and ask you to prepare chicken 65. Even if you protest telling you can't make it, he'll not accept. He will tell you to work hard day and night to prepare it. He will also tell he'll provide you with the night cab. Even if you ask how can I prepare chicken 65 out of it by sitting day and night he will not accept.
Shilpa: Ohh..so dangerous he is!! Then I must escape. Next is a test engineer.
Sandhya: He is more dangerous than the other person. Whatever you do he will correctly tell only the fault in it. Even if you try to surprise him with 10 variety of food, he will tell the item which does not have salt in it. If you ask him "will you not at least tell that it is good", he will reply back saying it is your duty to make it good so why must I tell that. He is sooo good ... Shilpa: Then a NO to him also. Next is the performance test engineer.
Sandhya: He is another specimen.. even if everything is good, he will ask why did it take this much time. If you take 10 minutes to make a coffee, he will question you asking why you have taken 10 min for a coffee which can be done within 5 min. Even if you say that he is talking about the instant coffee while you have made the filter coffee, he will not accept. The same will be with all the work you do. You must not think about this person if you want to do make up in your life !!!
Shilpa: Then! you mean to say that we should not marry software guys??
Sandhya: Who said like that?? In software there is one more group. They are called the developers group. How much ever you hit them they will bear.
Shilpa: Then tell about them.
Sandhya: You don't have to do anything. They will do everything themselves. If we sit back and just boost them it is enough. But the problem with them is- they will say "I know it" whatever you ask them. Even that is ok. They will bear how much ever you hit them but the condition is you must keep saying "you are too good" after hitting them every time.
Shilpa: This is superb. Then we must search for this kind of a groom....
Bihar Naming Convention
A MAN WAS WORKING IN MUMBAI, AND DID NOT MEET HIS wife for four (4) years while his wife was in Patna (Bihar).
At the end of 4 years he distributed sweets to his colleagues in office stating that his wife had delivered a son.
His colleagues were quite shocked and they asked how this "Happy event" happened when he had not seen his wife for four years...
The man said it is common in Bihar that neighbours take care of the wife (good Samaritans) when men are away.
The colleagues asked him, "What name will you give to the son?"
The man explained, "If its the second neighbor who has taken care,then the name would be "DWIVEDI";
If it is the third neighbor then it would be "TRIVEDI",
If it is the fourth neighbor then it would be "CHATURVEDI" ;
If its the fifth neighbor then it would be "PANDEY"...
After listening to this, questions followed.
What if it is a mixture of neighbours? "Then the boy would be named "MISHRA"...
And what if the wife is too shy to tell the name of the neighbour? Then it would be "SHARMA".... But what if she refuses to divulge the name of the neighbour? Then the name of the child would be "GUPTA"...
If she does not remember the name then? It is "YAAD-AV"
But who knows whether the child resulted from a rape? Then it will be named "DOSHI"...
Finally, if the child happened because of wife's burning desire? Then he will be named "JOSHI"... And if the whole country had made efforts for the happy arrival?.... "DESHPANDEY. "
At the end of 4 years he distributed sweets to his colleagues in office stating that his wife had delivered a son.
His colleagues were quite shocked and they asked how this "Happy event" happened when he had not seen his wife for four years...
The man said it is common in Bihar that neighbours take care of the wife (good Samaritans) when men are away.
The colleagues asked him, "What name will you give to the son?"
The man explained, "If its the second neighbor who has taken care,then the name would be "DWIVEDI";
If it is the third neighbor then it would be "TRIVEDI",
If it is the fourth neighbor then it would be "CHATURVEDI" ;
If its the fifth neighbor then it would be "PANDEY"...
After listening to this, questions followed.
What if it is a mixture of neighbours? "Then the boy would be named "MISHRA"...
And what if the wife is too shy to tell the name of the neighbour? Then it would be "SHARMA".... But what if she refuses to divulge the name of the neighbour? Then the name of the child would be "GUPTA"...
If she does not remember the name then? It is "YAAD-AV"
But who knows whether the child resulted from a rape? Then it will be named "DOSHI"...
Finally, if the child happened because of wife's burning desire? Then he will be named "JOSHI"... And if the whole country had made efforts for the happy arrival?.... "DESHPANDEY. "
Thursday, July 24, 2008
Loyal Wife
There was a man who had worked all of his life, had saved all of his money, and was a real miser when it came to his money.
Just before he died, he said to his wife, 'When I die, I want you to take all my money and put it in the casket with me. I want to take my money to the after life with me.'
And so he got his wife to promise him with all of her heart that when he died, she would put all of the money in the casket with him.
Well, he died . . .
He was stretched out in the casket, his wife was sitting there in black,and her friend was sitting next to her. When they finished the ceremony,just before the undertakers got ready to close the casket, the wife said,'Wait, just a minute!'
She had a box with her, she came over with the box and put it in the casket.
Then the undertakers locked the casket down, and they rolled it away.
Her friend said, 'I know you weren't fool enough to put all that money in there with your husband.'
The loyal wife replied 'Listen, I can't go back on my word. I promised him that I was going to put that money in that casket with him.'
'You mean to tell me you put that money in the casket with him !!! ?'
'I sure did' said the wife. 'I got it all together, put it into my account and wrote him a cheque. If he can cash it, he can spend it.'
Moral of the story: Women are cleverer than Men .....
Just before he died, he said to his wife, 'When I die, I want you to take all my money and put it in the casket with me. I want to take my money to the after life with me.'
And so he got his wife to promise him with all of her heart that when he died, she would put all of the money in the casket with him.
Well, he died . . .
He was stretched out in the casket, his wife was sitting there in black,and her friend was sitting next to her. When they finished the ceremony,just before the undertakers got ready to close the casket, the wife said,'Wait, just a minute!'
She had a box with her, she came over with the box and put it in the casket.
Then the undertakers locked the casket down, and they rolled it away.
Her friend said, 'I know you weren't fool enough to put all that money in there with your husband.'
The loyal wife replied 'Listen, I can't go back on my word. I promised him that I was going to put that money in that casket with him.'
'You mean to tell me you put that money in the casket with him !!! ?'
'I sure did' said the wife. 'I got it all together, put it into my account and wrote him a cheque. If he can cash it, he can spend it.'
Moral of the story: Women are cleverer than Men .....
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
Tears of a Husband
A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband was not in bed.
She goes downstairs to look for him. She finds him sitting at the
kitchen table with a cup of coffee in front of him. He appears to be
in deep thought, just staring at the wall. She watches as he wipes a
tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee.
"What's the matter, dear?" she whispers as she steps into the room.
"Why are you down here at this time of night?" T
he husband looks up from his coffee, "Do you remember 20 years ago
when we were dating, and you were only 18?" he asks solemnly. "Yes I
do" she replies.
The husband pauses; the words were not coming easily. "Do you
remember when your father caught us in the garden?" "Yes! I remember"
said the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him.
The husband continued. "Do you remember when he showed the shotgun in
my face and said, 'Either you marry my daughter, or I'll send you to
jail for 20 years?" "I remember that too" she replied softly.
He wiped another tear from his cheek and said, "I would have been
released today!"
released today!"
Kenny & The Dead Donkey - A Real & Interesting Story
A city boy, Kenny, moved to the country and bought a donkey from an old farmer for $100.00. The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next day.
The next day the farmer drove up and said, "Sorry son, but I have some bad news, the donkey died last night."
Kenny replied: "Well then, just give me my money back."
The farmer said: "Can't do that. I went and spent it already."
Kenny said: "OK then, just unload the donkey."
The farmer asked: "What you goanna to do with him?"
Kenny: "I'm going to raffle him off." (Note: To raffle is to sell a thing by lottery - draw lot -! to a group of people each paying the same amount for a ticket)
Farmer: "You can't raffle off a dead donkey!"
Kenny: "Sure I can. Watch me. I just won't tell anybody he's dead."
A month later the farmer met up with Kenny and asked, "What happened with that dead donkey?"
Kenny: "I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at two dollars apiece and made a profit of $998.00."
Farmer: "Didn't anyone complain?"
Kenny: "Just the guy who won. So I gave him back his two dollars."
Kenny grew up and eventually became the Director of the American Energy Company : Enron
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